Why this blog is called "My Own Space"
When I was in college, a Kander and Ebb song from a little known musical called The Act was popular song to sing in musical theater coaching class.
Here are the lyrics:
I won’t need much
Just my own space
A little time
With my own thoughts
And my own space
Some place to run
Some place to hide
Where there is no one else
But me, to meet inside
I love you more
Than I can ever say
I love you more, and more, and more
With every passing day
Allow me light
A breath of air
Leave me the only thing
I own, we cannot share
Just leave me that
Sweet love of mine
Just leave me that
Just my own space
And we’ll be fine
I love you more
Than I could ever say
I love you more, and more, and more
With every passing day
Allow me light
A breath of air
Leave me the only thing
I own, we cannot share
Just my own space
Sweet love of mine
Just leave me that
Just my own space
And we’ll be fine
The song is a lovely ballad and is one of Kander and Ebb’s more obscure songs (for those of you not familiar with musical theater, they wrote the musical Cabaret and also Chicago. They also wrote the song New York, New York. As in Frank Sinatra sang it–although it was originally Liza Minnelli’s song in the movie of the same name and Sinatra famously botched the lyrics…but I digress…although one more thing, Liza also starred in The Act and sang My Own Space…) and now my entire first blog entry is about Liza Minnelli and sounds like a musical theater lesson.
BUT. To be totally fair–sometimes this page will be a musical theater lesson and if you aren’t interested you should sign off now.
For both people who are left (which might be an overly generous estimation) I will continue and explain
WHY I CALLED MY BLOG “MY OWN SPACE”.
It’s because when I was 19-years-old I had no idea what these lyrics meant and now–as a mother of two children, a wife, an actress just trying to land her next gig, a writer who managed to publish a book and now is stuck on page 125 of book #2, I understand the need for my own space. “A little time with my own thoughts in my own space.”
Maya Angelou talks about how everyone should have one thing they do very well, and a place where they can create. Virginia Woolfe wrote an essay about how a “real” fiction writer should have a room of one’s own with a lock and a key. Such a romantic ideas, don’t you think? I often dream about what my room would look like. It most certainly isn’t in my current apartment in Washington Heights, NYC. It’s (as I picture it) on the second floor of a house, surrounded by tall leafy trees, it has a large wooden desk with interesting things artfully displayed, it is probably yellow. Or periwinkle blue (my favorite color). It has carpeting and the perfect couch. It is sublimely clean. It is silent unless I choose to fill it with sound. In fact, in addition to it having a lock and key, it is probably sound proof. The room is full of good ideas and in it I am creative and prolific. I have a golden retriever at my feet and a roaring fire and a great cup of coffee. I probably am still flush from a recent jog.
Reality? I live in Manhattan with my two girls and my husband. We live paycheck to paycheck and I don’t have an extra room. Or really, even an empty desk. Or a spare chair that isn’t making up the fourth wall of a child’s fort. Or sometimes, even a brain cell that has an ounce of creativity left. My neighborhood has crack dealers and muffler-free motorcycle races. One child is a toddler, the other child is a new teenager. They are lovely and needy and my greatest joy and my biggest worry. They fill my days to the brink. My husband works, and works, and works to get us through. We don’t have a cleaning person or a dishwasher or a washer and dryer. We have a cat. We are happy. We are tired. I don't "jog".
But, I do have a computer and some time after the kids have gone to bed, or an afternoon when my husband takes the three-year-old to the playground and before the thirteen year old comes home from school. And then you will find me here, in my own space, writing whatever comes to mind. Re-organizing and saving some things I have already written. Trying to do more than just post a witty status on Facebook.
Still trying to get to page 126.
This is my own space and you are welcome to come and read anytime you’d like.
P.S. If you’d like to hear the song My Own Space, this is Liza Minnelli singing it.